Working Memory
What was I saying again?
Dear diary, I forgot what I was writing about. I know I just thought it a second or two ago. Now, I cannot fathom what it was…..
Oh yeah, it was my working memory deficit. In layman’s terms, this would be known as short-term memory. This would not be the history of American Civil War. This would be, “Why am I in this room now?” Or, “What am I doing” type of memory.
I think everyone has had moments of forgetfulness, especially in terms of the mind as it works, depending on overall health, energy levels, neurotransmitters, blood flow and the like. In the now, we often lack for a contiguous awareness of certain things we just thought or did.
In essence, we are scatter-brained sometimes. In my case, I am “split-brain” or, in Latin medical terminology, schizophrenic. You think you have problems with working memory? You ain’t seen nothing like a psychotic break! In my experience, the two go hand-in-hand, to the detriment of the ill and those who care about them.
For one thing, and it may sound ironic, we often forget we have the disease itself, and we forget to remember that the symptoms of our illness are cognitive errors. It seems to me that lacking in conscious awareness of our surroundings and the task at hand would be the essence of insanity.
However, I believe it is the storehouse of creativity. It is also the key to unraveling this mysterious disease.
See, not all convergent thinking is good and not all divergent thinking is bad.
Sometimes, we lose even the kernel of insight in our minds and go batshit insane. We might behave irrationally, as if we know the future or can hear the voices of other people in silence. However, the mind is deep in people with these diseases. Going beyond the confines of sanity is actually quite common in many people, but ever so baffling still.
I think it is related to working memory. I’m constantly contemplating the root cause of my dysfunction. I’ve decided so many times, that I “will not hear voices” or “i will function as a positive member of society.” But I’m well aware that I will probably indulge in my delusive mental behavior before too long. It’s almost like a drug. It may be the mark of genius as well.
We all see the familiar trope of the eccentric genius. The one that has his head in deep thought to the point of losing control of the basic elements of existence, like chores and hygiene. Everybody probably thinks Einstein, who appeared like a perpetual scrub while relating some of the most important solutions in physics, concepts that changed the world as we know it. Or, John Nash could win a Nobel Prize, but forget to realize that he was hallucinating. Years of painful psychiatric treatments, like the harsh neuroleptics of the past, or even ECT, or shock therapy, could have reduced his output of creative, mathematical theories.
That’s not to say that psychotic diseases should not be treated aggressively, and developing new treatments takes time. But, I am saying that that working memory could be a decent mark of psychosis and perhaps a novel way to treat the disease.
Most of the illness, it seems, could be eradicated by conscious awareness. If you are aware that you are hallucinating, then why does it matter. We could take the approach of John Nash, toward the end of the movie, A Beautiful Mind. We could forego the delusions and hallucinations simply by remembering that they are not real. If there was a treatment on working memory and self-affirmation, that may be a novel way to escape psychosis.
And, wouldn’t you know, I’ve been beaten to it? There is already a new cognitive remediation therapy that involves a computer program to teach people with schizophrenia how to keep conscious of the task at hand. I think it is a fruitful endeavor. We need all the help we can get!
What was I talking about?
Indeed. Check out the links below for more info on working memory impairment studies and cognitive remediation therapy.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5226656/
https://www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/S0006-3223(13)00681-1/fulltext
These cognitive behavioural therapy techniques for schizophrenic symptoms are becoming increasingly called for and used as a tool. You definitely can learn to talk yourself down from paranoia by interpreting your inner voices and intrusive thoughts and dialling them down. For example “You are going to die alone and unloved in a cell somewhere” really means “I’m scared that I will die lonely and unloved because the world has been unkind to me in the past”. This work isn’t easy, but with other people supporting you, it is easier
Sounds to me like something of biographical research might serve you well. More and more I am thinking about how the social sciences really need to focus more on stories, this because stories unite the person with their environment, rather than separate them. I read something about this approach from Lonnie Athens, about whom I wrote in my last entry on "What is Education?"
On that note, my immediate thought and question is about John Nash. Because. in the story of his life he struggled and had help, and help comes in quite a number of different forms. Learning more about his particular case could grant some clues perhaps. I wonder how many other conventionally successful schizophrenics have well known or established biographies.
I've often thought that a HUGE if not the ONLY emphasis of a good education is to identify what strengths and weaknesses one has, so that you can have your fun with your strengths, and make sure you work on your weaknesses so that your growth does not become unbalanced. To become more capable is one of the best definitions of education I can think of, and what that means will vary by person. Here is where finding people who deal with similar challenges can be a great clue to our own way forward. I've found certain authors to be quite inspiring, but their circumstances in life are so different from my own.